CUWP 2012

I found out about The Central Utah Writing Project through an email one of the literacy specialists sent out to our district in March. I looked into some of the things people had said and knew it was something i wanted to be involved in this summer. I interviewed and was invited to participate. I was pretty nervous at first; I am not a confident writer. I am self conscious about writing, even writing in front of my second graders kills me. I feel like I have lost creativity and even writing personal narratives don't end up sounding the way I had hoped. There are roughly 20 people in CUWP this year and I can't believe the caliber of writers I get to work with. Those in charge have published books and articles, other teachers have the ability to use words in ways I had never thought possible. I know that I won't be that good, that practiced, without a focused effort on my personal writing so I am making a commitment to write more. Whether its personal writing, letters, emails, stories, poems(not likely), whatever, I am going to make a focused effort on writing more. I have made it half way through the class and can already see the effect it has had on my writing. I have learned to trust the people I work with and am comfortable sharing what I have written with them. It didn't start that way, Day 1 was a shock. I listened to what people had written in our short scribble that morning and tried to sink as far as I could into my chair. I felt inadequate and that I didn't belong. I questioned what I was thinking when I signed up, what made me think I could do this, and why I thought it was such a good idea. Now looking back I feel I have been blessed tremendously in this experience. I have found people I connect with, people who understand me and my sense of humor, and are willing to help me develop. This is a great class and I have learned so much already and we still have 6 days left. For once in my life I am proud to share what I have written, excited to show my family and friends, and feeling successful. I know that the caliber of my writing is not the equivalent of my peers but I can see it developing and for that I am proud. I am excited to see where this class takes me, what it helps me discover about myself, and what things I can adapt to improve the writing of my students.

I'm alive...barely!!

So, I've finally gotten on my blog, its only been 9 months! No I didn't have a baby, no pregnancy brain to blame it on. Though metaphorically speaking this post is my baby, my thoughts gestational period matches that of a human. Can you imagine if it were the gestational period of an elephant, you'd only hear from me every 22 months. Take a moment and think about how lucky you are!! But seriously, I really thought I would be good at this. Well, what I really thought was that if I had this online I would be more inclined to write considering my computer has been surgically attached to my lap. Yes, that makes it hard to walk, risk electrocution when I swim, but its so easy when I want to surf the interweb! And if you know me, you know convenience is a must! Again, back to being serious(which we all know won't last long) I really do have so much to catch up on. This school year was a challenge, I had a class that made me question my ability as a teacher, and made me wonder if I really am good at what I do. There were days I thought no job is harder than mine, except for maybe...insert something clever here... Just thinking about my year has drained me of all ability to think, I am now a heap on the floor in fetal position trying the skills my therapist has told me will surely relax my mind and allow me to move forward. 5 hours later...fetal position-30 minutes, nap time 4 hours, convincing myself to get off the floor 30 minutes. And I'm back, I know my school year wasn't all bad. I had some adorable students who I came to love and enjoy. They said hilarious things, told me too much about the goings on at home, and hugged me any chance they got. I don't have children of my own, but for 9 months out of the year I have 25 who I worry about constantly. I want them to be successful, to learn responsibility, to be accepted by their peers. I want them to enjoy school and love learning, I want them to be creative, try new things, and find their passions. I know my role is incomparable to that of a parent but I get just a taste of motherhood and look forward to that part of my future. (A quick recap of the school year, I know, but more detail and you'll be reading for days and looking like this...) On to the non-school life. Fall: McKenzie was out at BYU continuing the freshman year she began in June 2011. We had our family dinner for 2 every Sunday, then followed by a Disney movie. We made our way through the classics and then moved on to the more recent Disney ventures with Pixar. I had been out in Provo for six years without a family member and was just happy to have her here. Not to mention the fact we both have our weird quirks that roommates whisper about when we aren't there, but that sisters have an understanding of, and a love in spite of them.I recruited her to help in my classroom, chauffeured her around Provo to run errands, and enjoyed Carnitas every Tuesday at Rubios. My summer without her is a little sad, Rubios, Seven Peaks, and Target trips aren't as fun solo. Dad, my goofy, intelligent, resourceful, respected dad, the one who promised to be at my college graduation(and was! 1 point to Dad), my wedding, every baby blessing, and other milestones in my life was diagnosed with cancer. The 'C' word. I heard it on the phone and my heart dropped. I immediately think of how horrible life would be after losing a parent. I think of all the things in my life he would miss, selfish Kelsey rears her head, how unfair! My parents have had to deal with so much already and this just adds one more terrible thing to the list. Prostate cancer, statistically, has a great prognosis. My coworkers all said if he were to have any cancer prostate cancer is the one to get, he'll be okay etc. etc. It didn't matter to me, my 56 year old dad's body had turned on him and recovery despite how successful, would not be easy. He had surgery to implant radioactive seeds which began the localized attack on cancer cells. He had to wait for the next step, scheduled to start in December, but he chose to deffer to January so he could enjoy Christmas break with the family and not have to worry about radiation. Winter: After coming back from Denver for Thanksgiving our heater broke. We went 2 weeks without a functioning heater before management got someone in to fix it. I was an icicle, my feet already suffering from terrible circulation, could've been used to keep drinks cold. I enlisted the service of McKenzie as a space heater to at least keep me warm through the night. We squeezed into my twin bed and as her body radiated heat I dreamed I was on an island somewhere far from snow and cold. Christmas at home was a family affair. Everyone was home, some longer than others. McKenzie and I flew home together after school had ended for me and by then Mac was ready to be home. She had been out of school for a week and was tired of being asked to come to my classroom. The break had its ups and downs, but really what family occasion ever runs smoothly? I felw out to Georgia for a few days, back to Denver on the 26th for Brooke and McKay's wedding, and back to Florida on the 28th. Mom, Dad, Mac and I went to Disneyworld for New Years. The whole time Mom kept saying things like 'why did I let you talk me into this?' 'it's so busy! why did we come?', 'we'll be here along with every European and Asian family on vacation'. Her arguments for going elsewhere for New Years Eve were heard and promptly ignored. We ventured into Epcot, found a bench near the Wonderful World of Coke and watched the firework spectacle unleashed before our eyes. Every country represented in Epcot had a mini firework show followed by our cheers and screams as we counted down, 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1. As our shout 'Happy New Year' trailed off fireworks blasted into the sky with the sound of rockets. The show lasted for 20 minutes and my mom's eyes were glued to the skyline. To say she loves fireworks is the understatement of the century. As we left the park, boobing and weaving through the traffic of thousands of people exiting the park she kept repeating how amazing the show was. Though she didn't say it aloud, I know she silently recanted her previous quips about our clinical insanity about choosing DW for the holiday. Mac and I flew back to Utah and both dove right back in to school and work. The winter always drags on, no really breaks or vacation days and cold, dark weather dampens the mood in Provo. I could hardly wait for spring to arrive. I started to get sick, feeling miserable after every meal, acid reflux was out of control. In March I went in to the ER for chest pains that I had chalked up to acid reflux, but had persisted for days. The doctor told me it could be fancy medical term, fancy medical term, or what he thought most likely, my gall bladder. Great! Another ailment to add to the ever expanding scroll known as my medical history. It really is a medically miracle I am alive, walking, breathing, and functioning somewhat normally. Spring: Entering April my primary care physician agrees with the ER doc and I set up an appointment for my pre-op with a surgeon. Unfortunately we had it scheduled during my spring break, during my planned trip to Denver. I called multiple times to try and reschedule, but was continually turned away, told the only option open was the Thursday I was set up for. But they don't know me! I will find a way to get what I want. Brooke and I had a great time in Denver. We met up with her childhood friend, Katie, and went out to dinner. LIGHTBULB!! Food poisoning and inablilty to drive the 7 hours from Denver to Provo will result in a rescheduled appointment. Brooke and I spent the next day looking like death, lounging on couches or ralphing, no better way to end a vacation! Once back in Provo, I went through the whole process, scheduled surgery and said goodbye to my gall bladder. I had my surgery on a Thursday and was back to school on a Tuesday. End of year testing had begun and I wanted to be back in the classroom to give adequate review so my students felt prepared. That first week was interesting, I went days without eating, and spent the first 2 weeks on a liquid diet. Its still an adventure, trying foods and crossing my fingers that I survive! I powered through the last few weeks of school and made it out alive...barely! Summer: The summer season hasn't officially started but my summer sure has. I invested in the Pass of all Passes, and I really should be their spokesperson, even if you don't want to you will hear my sales pitch! I have taken a few professional development classes and am currently involved with the Central Utah Writing Project. I'm in day 2 and am enjoying it so far. My birthday is Friday, the big 2-5. I haven't done my typical countdown, reminding my mom or dad how many days are left until the big day. I'm a little terrified! As Brooke put it, if I live to 50 my life is half over, live to 75 its a third over...not a happy thought. I have a lot I still want to do, or things I want to do again. Despite my qualms, I have a feeling 25 will be a good year. Fingers crossed it is and that you hear from me again, without the 9 month gestational period!

I Pause to Remember

10 years ago today I was sitting in early morning seminary. I was a freshman and my brother a junior without his license. My dad would get up in the mornings for our carpool and drive us to and from seminary, over Goode, listening to NPR. While I would say the talk radio gives me headaches, and I wish he would listen to something else, that day I was glad he was listening. The morning started off like any other and then my dad walked into the room to whisper something in Sister Pulsipher’s ear. She excused us all and on the way out to the car my dad told my brother and I the Pentagon had been hit. I had no idea what he meant or what he saying. The drive to school felt like forever, we listened to the chaos unfold on the radio, and everyone wondering what had happened in NYC and Washington. I went straight to English and we watched the news as they broadcasted live from New York. It felt unreal; I couldn’t believe what was happening. The day passed in slow motion, the minds of teachers and students alike were not focused on school, our thoughts and many prayers were with those directly impacted by the terrorist attacks. The weeks that followed were tense, people hoping to find their family members, search and rescue teams being sent in, volunteers from all over, firemen, police officers giving their lives, and the nation on edge. Amid such pain and sadness I was impressed with how united we came to be. I have always been proud to be an American, and had a profound respect for the men and women who serve our country. The naval service record of my family has engrained that sense of service and pride. I knew other people were just as proud as I, but the manifestation of unity was overwhelming. You couldn’t go anywhere without seeing a flag, often many flags lining streets, bumper stickers, overheard conversations. We were compassionate and understanding with others and united in a cause for freedom and justice.
“Tragedies are not merely opportunities to give Him a fleeting thought, or for momentary insight to His plan for our happiness. Destruction allows us to rebuild our lives in the way He teaches us, and to become something different than we were.” - President Monson


I will forever remember the thousands who lost their lives ten years ago today, their sacrifices, and the sacrifices of many who are considered heroes. I will remember those who died in New York, Washington DC, and Shanksville. I will remember those who, in response to the attacks of 9/11 chose to serve their country and fight for our freedom. I mourn for the loss of life we have experienced ten years ago and since. I am deeply grateful for their sacrifice. President Bush spoke at the WTC Memorial today and shared this message from Abraham Lincoln…



On this 10th anniversary I too ‘can not refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the republic they died to save…and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.’ I am so proud to be an American, and am grateful to live in a ‘land of the free’ because of the brave.

Mothers

I have had many women in my life who have been wonderful examples of strong, faithful, loving women. But none can compare to the one woman I am blessed to call my mother. She has been such a strength to me in my times of trial, whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, questions answered, or words of wisdom. She has also been the one to celebrate my greatest successes, cheering me on and supporting me in my various endeavours. I have often wondered how my mom has the right thing to say, the right advice to give, that 'mom gene' that just knows when you need something. I know my mom loves me, she loves my siblings, my dad, and wants us to be happy. Often our happy may not line up with her version of our happy, but I know that she loves us anyway. I admire her strength, courage, and spirit.

I spent today thinking about all the things my mom has done for me, her love and sacrifice for me and my siblings. She has helped me to improve, to become the person I am meant to be and not to settle for less than I desvere. Were it not for my mother I would not be the person I am today. She is my support, my strength, my mother, and my friend. I know my mom will hate that I quoted Barack, maybe her least favorite person now, but I think his address fits perfectly. " Mothers are the rocks of our families and a foundation in our communities. In gratitude for their generous love, patient counsel, and lifelong support, let us pay respect to the women who carry out the hard work of motherhood with skill and grace, and let us remember those mothers who, though no longer with us, inspire us still."


I love you Mom, and I hope you know how much I truly appreciate you for all you do for us.


Happy Mother's Day!

Celiac Disease

Every year the Gluten Intolerance Group has a convention and this year it is in Orlando. I looked into it and thought about making a trip back home and going to the conference. I looked into the conference price, and while it isn't a ridiculous amount of money I still would rather spend that much money elsewhere. They have a scholarship fund that 'first timers' can apply for and the registration fee will be covered. I got the call today that I won a full scholarship and upon telling my family we decided it was for one of the following reasons, either I am a great writer or have a talent for making people feel sorry for me. I'd like to think its first one, though the latter could be useful! Needless to say, I will be in Orlando in July to hopefully learn the latest and live a lifestyle my poor body can handle.



Here is the winning essay:



Celiac Disease? What? My first doctor thought it was lactose intolerance. My second doctor tested me multiple times for anemia, all negative. I had been sick since my senior year in high school; unexplained fatigue, indigestion, and acid erosion led to my final diagnosis. I was a junior in college, studying to become an elementary school teacher when my symptoms became unbearable. I had spent years in constant discomfort and was ready for an answer. I was diagnosed with acid reflux when I was 16, but my current doctor was surprised I had never had an EGD. The specialist was able to determine, from intestinal biopsy, that I have Celiac Disease.

After my diagnosis I thought everything would be alright, I finally knew what was wrong. But I had no idea the battle I would be facing every day, eating out, parties, and even grocery shopping. I went to the store a few days after I found out, and after I had done some research and cried as I paced the aisles looking at everything I can’t have. It has not been an easy road, I have spent the last 2 years going through the 5 stages of grieving. I was in denial; I was the only one in my family diagnosed with something that had a genetic connection. Next was anger, I was so mad I, of all people had to deal with it. Then came bargaining; I didn’t quite understand the disease, and thought if I cut back on gluten I could feel better while continuing to enjoy some of my favorite foods. Depression hit with a strong force and nearly debilitated me. I was in my first year of teaching second grade and the stress of teaching coupled with a complete lifestyle change left me feeling frustrated, hopeless, and at the mercy of my body. I am making my way into the last and final stage, acceptance. I know there is something I can do and that is eat the way my body needs me to eat.

I have done my research online, met others in my area suffering from the same disease, and attended local health food store demonstrations. While these have all been beneficial to me, I know I will learn so much from attending the 2011 GIG Conference. I need to find the ‘Treasures in a Gluten Free World’ to keep myself healthy and happy. I am a recent college graduate, living across the country from my family and support system, learning the ways of adulthood and trying to make it on my own. When I learned about the Conference I knew immediately I wanted to attend, but the cost was my only drawback. Monetary assistance applied to the registration fee would make it possible for me to attend the conference in July. I have never attended a GIG event and know the education I receive from it will be priceless.

My Grandmotherly Ways

I am just going to throw it out there. I am a grandmother living in an almost 24 year old body. I have noticed since the school year started that I need more sleep. But now its just ridiculous. I get home after a full day of go go go and am ready for bed. 9:00 comes around and as soon as my head hits the pillow I'm out! I have achy joints, really now, I played sports but never had such an issue. The cold weather in Utah has done its work and I walk outside and my joints immediately tighten. I may die soon! While those have put a damper on my activity level nothing tops my memory loss. I really have lost my mind. Is early onset Alzheimer known to affect 24 yr olds? If not at least I can find solace in the fact I am the first, and will make medical history! Wonderful! I can't remember what I taught yesterday, I can't remember if I took my medicine...I plan my day in the morning and by the afternoon have completely forgotten what I was going to do. I am such a teacher, with post it notes all over my computer, my room, in books etc. to remind me of all that I have to do. I thought I had lost my SSN card, and funny that it took my mom who is 2000 miles away to help me find it. Ill cross my fingers my memory comes back soon and that summer comes fast. Spring break and warm weather will be good for more than one reason!

Return from my Hiatus

So I haven't posted since August...horrible at this. School has been going well, well until this week that is. Every single day was a battle to get my kids to follow even the simplest of instructions. I feel like a broken record, repeating the same 5 words on a cycle, over and over. I reached the end of my rope today, we had a discussion and I may or may not have raised my voice. Ok, I did, I yelled, which is not me at all. I waited 5 minutes, calmed down and apologized to the class. I got through my whole talk, told them how I felt, we talked about what we could do to rectify the situation and all was good...until the lip quiver. (I have been cursed with my mothers emotional triggers and I cry during commercials.) Thanks to that curse I cried in front of my kids today. Its been quite the year for me. October 1st I threw up in front of my kids, later that month I fell off a desk, and then February 10th I cried. I am a stellar teacher.

On to other things, I hate being a grown up! Why I didn't listen when adults told me adulthood was not easy I'll never know. As a teen my parents made all my appointments, eye doctor, dentist, and so on. My dad took care of all the insurance claims, the filing and reimbursements, taxes, state and federal. Now I'm on my own, making my own appointments, dealing with prescriptions, insurance claims, and all on my own. $200 at the pharmacy(I am a walking pharmacy!), $100 at the dentist, $200+ for new frames and lenses, life is expensive. So much responsibility, not worth it! One thing I am grateful for, my dad still helps with the taxes! I am glad to be in a new phase of life, its fun, and things are interesting but there are days I'd love to go back. Wouldn't that just be so much easier!

But then again, going back is not an option. So follow up question, then, what's next? Who knows, but I sure hope its good!