CUWP 2012

I found out about The Central Utah Writing Project through an email one of the literacy specialists sent out to our district in March. I looked into some of the things people had said and knew it was something i wanted to be involved in this summer. I interviewed and was invited to participate. I was pretty nervous at first; I am not a confident writer. I am self conscious about writing, even writing in front of my second graders kills me. I feel like I have lost creativity and even writing personal narratives don't end up sounding the way I had hoped. There are roughly 20 people in CUWP this year and I can't believe the caliber of writers I get to work with. Those in charge have published books and articles, other teachers have the ability to use words in ways I had never thought possible. I know that I won't be that good, that practiced, without a focused effort on my personal writing so I am making a commitment to write more. Whether its personal writing, letters, emails, stories, poems(not likely), whatever, I am going to make a focused effort on writing more. I have made it half way through the class and can already see the effect it has had on my writing. I have learned to trust the people I work with and am comfortable sharing what I have written with them. It didn't start that way, Day 1 was a shock. I listened to what people had written in our short scribble that morning and tried to sink as far as I could into my chair. I felt inadequate and that I didn't belong. I questioned what I was thinking when I signed up, what made me think I could do this, and why I thought it was such a good idea. Now looking back I feel I have been blessed tremendously in this experience. I have found people I connect with, people who understand me and my sense of humor, and are willing to help me develop. This is a great class and I have learned so much already and we still have 6 days left. For once in my life I am proud to share what I have written, excited to show my family and friends, and feeling successful. I know that the caliber of my writing is not the equivalent of my peers but I can see it developing and for that I am proud. I am excited to see where this class takes me, what it helps me discover about myself, and what things I can adapt to improve the writing of my students.

I'm alive...barely!!

So, I've finally gotten on my blog, its only been 9 months! No I didn't have a baby, no pregnancy brain to blame it on. Though metaphorically speaking this post is my baby, my thoughts gestational period matches that of a human. Can you imagine if it were the gestational period of an elephant, you'd only hear from me every 22 months. Take a moment and think about how lucky you are!! But seriously, I really thought I would be good at this. Well, what I really thought was that if I had this online I would be more inclined to write considering my computer has been surgically attached to my lap. Yes, that makes it hard to walk, risk electrocution when I swim, but its so easy when I want to surf the interweb! And if you know me, you know convenience is a must! Again, back to being serious(which we all know won't last long) I really do have so much to catch up on. This school year was a challenge, I had a class that made me question my ability as a teacher, and made me wonder if I really am good at what I do. There were days I thought no job is harder than mine, except for maybe...insert something clever here... Just thinking about my year has drained me of all ability to think, I am now a heap on the floor in fetal position trying the skills my therapist has told me will surely relax my mind and allow me to move forward. 5 hours later...fetal position-30 minutes, nap time 4 hours, convincing myself to get off the floor 30 minutes. And I'm back, I know my school year wasn't all bad. I had some adorable students who I came to love and enjoy. They said hilarious things, told me too much about the goings on at home, and hugged me any chance they got. I don't have children of my own, but for 9 months out of the year I have 25 who I worry about constantly. I want them to be successful, to learn responsibility, to be accepted by their peers. I want them to enjoy school and love learning, I want them to be creative, try new things, and find their passions. I know my role is incomparable to that of a parent but I get just a taste of motherhood and look forward to that part of my future. (A quick recap of the school year, I know, but more detail and you'll be reading for days and looking like this...) On to the non-school life. Fall: McKenzie was out at BYU continuing the freshman year she began in June 2011. We had our family dinner for 2 every Sunday, then followed by a Disney movie. We made our way through the classics and then moved on to the more recent Disney ventures with Pixar. I had been out in Provo for six years without a family member and was just happy to have her here. Not to mention the fact we both have our weird quirks that roommates whisper about when we aren't there, but that sisters have an understanding of, and a love in spite of them.I recruited her to help in my classroom, chauffeured her around Provo to run errands, and enjoyed Carnitas every Tuesday at Rubios. My summer without her is a little sad, Rubios, Seven Peaks, and Target trips aren't as fun solo. Dad, my goofy, intelligent, resourceful, respected dad, the one who promised to be at my college graduation(and was! 1 point to Dad), my wedding, every baby blessing, and other milestones in my life was diagnosed with cancer. The 'C' word. I heard it on the phone and my heart dropped. I immediately think of how horrible life would be after losing a parent. I think of all the things in my life he would miss, selfish Kelsey rears her head, how unfair! My parents have had to deal with so much already and this just adds one more terrible thing to the list. Prostate cancer, statistically, has a great prognosis. My coworkers all said if he were to have any cancer prostate cancer is the one to get, he'll be okay etc. etc. It didn't matter to me, my 56 year old dad's body had turned on him and recovery despite how successful, would not be easy. He had surgery to implant radioactive seeds which began the localized attack on cancer cells. He had to wait for the next step, scheduled to start in December, but he chose to deffer to January so he could enjoy Christmas break with the family and not have to worry about radiation. Winter: After coming back from Denver for Thanksgiving our heater broke. We went 2 weeks without a functioning heater before management got someone in to fix it. I was an icicle, my feet already suffering from terrible circulation, could've been used to keep drinks cold. I enlisted the service of McKenzie as a space heater to at least keep me warm through the night. We squeezed into my twin bed and as her body radiated heat I dreamed I was on an island somewhere far from snow and cold. Christmas at home was a family affair. Everyone was home, some longer than others. McKenzie and I flew home together after school had ended for me and by then Mac was ready to be home. She had been out of school for a week and was tired of being asked to come to my classroom. The break had its ups and downs, but really what family occasion ever runs smoothly? I felw out to Georgia for a few days, back to Denver on the 26th for Brooke and McKay's wedding, and back to Florida on the 28th. Mom, Dad, Mac and I went to Disneyworld for New Years. The whole time Mom kept saying things like 'why did I let you talk me into this?' 'it's so busy! why did we come?', 'we'll be here along with every European and Asian family on vacation'. Her arguments for going elsewhere for New Years Eve were heard and promptly ignored. We ventured into Epcot, found a bench near the Wonderful World of Coke and watched the firework spectacle unleashed before our eyes. Every country represented in Epcot had a mini firework show followed by our cheers and screams as we counted down, 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1. As our shout 'Happy New Year' trailed off fireworks blasted into the sky with the sound of rockets. The show lasted for 20 minutes and my mom's eyes were glued to the skyline. To say she loves fireworks is the understatement of the century. As we left the park, boobing and weaving through the traffic of thousands of people exiting the park she kept repeating how amazing the show was. Though she didn't say it aloud, I know she silently recanted her previous quips about our clinical insanity about choosing DW for the holiday. Mac and I flew back to Utah and both dove right back in to school and work. The winter always drags on, no really breaks or vacation days and cold, dark weather dampens the mood in Provo. I could hardly wait for spring to arrive. I started to get sick, feeling miserable after every meal, acid reflux was out of control. In March I went in to the ER for chest pains that I had chalked up to acid reflux, but had persisted for days. The doctor told me it could be fancy medical term, fancy medical term, or what he thought most likely, my gall bladder. Great! Another ailment to add to the ever expanding scroll known as my medical history. It really is a medically miracle I am alive, walking, breathing, and functioning somewhat normally. Spring: Entering April my primary care physician agrees with the ER doc and I set up an appointment for my pre-op with a surgeon. Unfortunately we had it scheduled during my spring break, during my planned trip to Denver. I called multiple times to try and reschedule, but was continually turned away, told the only option open was the Thursday I was set up for. But they don't know me! I will find a way to get what I want. Brooke and I had a great time in Denver. We met up with her childhood friend, Katie, and went out to dinner. LIGHTBULB!! Food poisoning and inablilty to drive the 7 hours from Denver to Provo will result in a rescheduled appointment. Brooke and I spent the next day looking like death, lounging on couches or ralphing, no better way to end a vacation! Once back in Provo, I went through the whole process, scheduled surgery and said goodbye to my gall bladder. I had my surgery on a Thursday and was back to school on a Tuesday. End of year testing had begun and I wanted to be back in the classroom to give adequate review so my students felt prepared. That first week was interesting, I went days without eating, and spent the first 2 weeks on a liquid diet. Its still an adventure, trying foods and crossing my fingers that I survive! I powered through the last few weeks of school and made it out alive...barely! Summer: The summer season hasn't officially started but my summer sure has. I invested in the Pass of all Passes, and I really should be their spokesperson, even if you don't want to you will hear my sales pitch! I have taken a few professional development classes and am currently involved with the Central Utah Writing Project. I'm in day 2 and am enjoying it so far. My birthday is Friday, the big 2-5. I haven't done my typical countdown, reminding my mom or dad how many days are left until the big day. I'm a little terrified! As Brooke put it, if I live to 50 my life is half over, live to 75 its a third over...not a happy thought. I have a lot I still want to do, or things I want to do again. Despite my qualms, I have a feeling 25 will be a good year. Fingers crossed it is and that you hear from me again, without the 9 month gestational period!